Post by Adelaide on Nov 14, 2007 4:27:50 GMT -5
Welcome to The Pig Times news desk I'm Pig Baconham and here is today's top stories.
New Orleans GM Request Change in Location and Name
New Orleans GM Nova McNovasonstein has recently requested to BBS front offices Tuesday citing that he wanted to move the Hornets from New Orleans to Provincetown, MA and rename the Hornets to the Vibrators. League officials immediately turned down the request stating that the name is inappropriate to a league who is quickly and swiftly trying to change it's image in the media after Greggor Snapperhead scandal and the Knicks Trade Block Battle Royal. Nova quickly appealed the BBS front office citing that it isn't a Vi-Bray-Tor the device that provides self-pleasure to women who are to fat or ugly to bone, homosexual men up the anal cavity, or Dan Basone on lonely California evenings but rather a rare type of Matador indigenous to northern parts of Spain where it is pronounced Vee-Bra-Tor. League officials granted McNovasonstein 30 days to come up with a proposal for stadium venue and sponsorships among other things when they learned about new information about the team name. However league officials became skeptical upon the arrival of the proposed Mascot.
Hornets Current Mascot
Hornets Proposed New Mascot
Must suck being a bull in northern Spain these days.....
And in other news.....
GM Dan Basone Involved In Altercation At Portland Strip Club
BBS's notorious bad boy Dan Basone is in trouble again after another run-in with the Portland Police Department last Saturday. Basone was charged on multiple charges that stemmed from Sexual Harassment to Indecent Exposure. Basone entered the premises of the Paul James Travers Gentleman's Club in Portland's North Ward for a little celebration after bringing in Memo Okur from New Jersey. Eyewitness reports inside the PJT noticed that he was shooting from a high field goal percentage on Long Island Ice Tea's and was draining more shots then the whole Trail Blazer organization combined(even thought that isn't saying much these days). Basone eyed out a stripper on the poll who flirted with him earlier in the evening and thought it was in his best interests in making a move. Basone went over to the table thinking a very fast and inside oriented offense while always pressing would get the job done. Unfortunately, Assistant Blazers GM Spencer was at PJT's with Basone that evening so the new DC changes were recorded which resulted in a plethora of problems for Basone when the stripper took him upstairs to her cabana. Basone moved to fast without knowing what personnel he had on the court and was quite surprised when he found a Nenad coming out of her Kristic. Intoxicated, embarrassed and shellshocked Basone grabbed his/her black vibrator(not to be confused with vee-bra-tor a matador indigenous to northern Spain) and whacked him/her across the face with it. Basone ran outside the bar naked shell-shocked from the recent occurrence of events and bolted down the road. An off-duty officer found Basone with his Nenad dangling in the Portland breeze at an Arby's five blocks from PJT's. Portland Police attempted to detain Basone but ran into a heap of resistance from the former Connecticut native. While apprehended by police Basone kept yelling "BLAAAAZZAAAS" repeatedly. When officers finally got Basone to cover his Nenad and into the cop car they thought they were home free, but it wasn't over yet. On the drive to the precinct Basone kept saying "Gimme a High School Special.......With Some Waffle Fries......FO FREE." but his own spin on a quote from his favorite YouTube video. Police finally got Basone to shut up when they threatened to show G.I Jane on the video screen in the back. Basone later passed out and was let go on $200,000 Bail.
WE JUST GOT BREAKING NEWS FROM OUR INTERNATIONAL TPT CORRESPONDANT PIGAMOTO FUKUPIGJA FROM JAPAN.
PIGAMOTO WHAT SEEMS TO BE GOING ON
Thanks Pig, it seems like notorious Verizon superstar David Byron has just arrived in to Narita
Wow that is huge news, Pigamoto we didn't expect Byron to arrive into Japan for another couple of weeks
Yeah, Pig we thought that he would still be cleaning up the mess that was the Knicks trade so we are surprised that he arrived early
Pigamoto, any news on the reasons behind this early arrival.
Well Pig, we have nothing confirmed yet but sources say that he has arrived for Mortal Kombat
Mortal Kombat? You mean the fictional fighting tournament from the video game?
Yeah Pig, that is what it exactly sounds like. A source close to Byron says he received an invitation last week to fight in it and he said that it was vital to connect the realms of Earth and Outworld
Interesting Pigamoto, any word if connecting these two realms will help his BBS team win a game
No Pig nothing confirmed yet but we should have some new information within the next couple days
Alright Pigamoto, thanks for the update and keep us informed on any more information revolving around this historical event.
Let's take this time to take a commercial break
66 wins in a season and I took my dynasty to the promise land. I ran through. To be great is to build a team out of nothing and make them into the greatest. No flaws, no fears, just perfection in motion. We outlawed opposing teams and beat them until their wasn't anything left. We were the definition of greatness. And then we took on a mediocre starting lineup in the finals and lost in 6. Be Outlawed
Nike.....
Just Blow It.....
Hey guys, not getting lucky in the bedroom. See that perfect 10 in the bar but know that their is no chance your going to get with her. Well your wrong! Hi, I am Dan Basone, General Manager of the Portland Trailblazers Basketball Organization and I am here to explain to you how all your sexual fantasies can come true. For me it became hard for me to pick up females at the bar after yelling "BLAAAAAZZZZASSS" all day and I would get constant straining in my right hand. I searched for weeks trying to find a comparable alternative and found now luck until a buddy of mine tipped me into Rohypnol. It's fast, easy and works 100% percent of the time and the best part is you can get with any girl you want. Just simply place a Rohypnol pill into your desired's girl drink and "BLAAAAAAAZAAS" your night is all booked and your hooked. So if you want to step into the fast land and swing with big boys come join me in the Rohypnol family.
Paid for by the Dan Basone Foundation and MAFMAF Industries. Dan Basone or anyone who was in the production of this commercial cannot be find liable if criminal charges are pressed. It is also suggested but not required that you have a pulley or wheelbarrow around as carrying a girl around your back might cause strain in the muscles.
HEY EVERYBODY!!!!! IT IS ME SKILLZ.
AND ME DUCKY!!!!
WE ARE HERE TO TELL YOU ABOUT THE GREATEST ALBUM EVER
OH TOTALLY SKILLZ THIS ALBUM IS RAD
KIDZ BOP, AND THE TOTALLY COOL THING LOL IS IT IS SUNG BY KIDZ!!!$@$LOL
JUST LIKE YOU AND ME RIGHT SKILLZ?
YEA DUCKY AND IT IS SO MUCH FUN TO LISTEN TO IT HAS POP HITS LIKE
I'm Going to Oink Your Kristic-DJ PIG
Wrath of the Snapperhead-The GM Greggor Band
Tuck Your Boner And Run-Haberman
Rise of the Tank-DJ Myte
Kangaroos in the Country Side-James
How I took a Duce on Duce-A Krumpinski Nation
AND MANY MORE
WOW DUCKY THERE JUST SO MANY RAD COOL SONGS WHICH ONE IS YOUR FAVE?!?!?!
I DON'T KNOW SKILLZ QUACK QUACK
YOUR SO FUNNY DUCKY
SO DONT FORGET TO TELL YOUR MOMMY OR WRITE TO SANTA THAT YOU WANT KIDZ BOP
WHETHER YOUR WATCHING RUGRATS, EATING YOUR MOMMY'S COOKIES, OR GETTING YOUR DIAPER CHANGED KIDZ BOP IS THE WAY TO GO!!!!
Avalible at all Pig's, Wal-Pigs, Pig-Marts, Pig Emporiums, Piggly Wiggly's and Piggreens in your neighborhood.
Welcome back to TPT World News Report and let's go to Pig for our quote of the day
"Whether you think your good or not dosen't really matter in the the thick of thing's. If your name is not begin with a P.....end in a G....and have an I in the middle of it then you are a nothing. You are not a champion you are just a wanna be. Your not the king of your trough because your not welcomed in a trough. You get last dibs on the slop bucket because you aren't good enough for first's. You can't be me so stop trying so hard, you probably aren't worthy enough to frolic on the same farm as me. So go find a new profession and try to master that, odds are though I am probably better then you in that too."
Alright folks were just about out of time but here is what is on tap for tommorow's show.
Does Skoal make you invincible in the Sim World? Our TPT Health Inspectors go behind the scenes to see if this special brand of Smokeless Tobacco actually makes you sim better.
Also
The backlash from the Mark Kelley Diction incident. See what really happened from insider camera's as Mark found out that he made a bad choice in diction during a non chalant post-pad a week ago. What repercussions lie ahead for Kelley and what does this do to his near crystal reputation.
Find out on next week's show. Take Care. And Oink all night.......